Moving on

A close friend, family I thought, exited my life recently. It was quietly ugly. 

I wasn't prepared for how much it would upset me. Because I had seen the signs for a while. The subtle pull away. The afterthought responses. The lies and half truths. And finally the silence. It hurt. 

What I was also not prepared for was how quickly I was able to make my peace with it. Perhaps because I had seen the signs. 

I’ve been surrounded by disappointment lately, not all of it my own. And it made me think of some of the questions we ask ourselves… Did I trust too easily? Was I too naïve to see the signs? Could I have done something differently, something to prevent this?

While it’s a little grey to me, I’m pretty sure the correct answer is no.

I wouldn’t want to live in a world where I’m constantly suspicious of someone’s words, actions and motives. I don’t want to kill my all of my experiences with unnecessary analysis. And I really don’t want to measure my actions in anticipation of disappointment.

Would I have done things differently with this friend? No. Because there were so many good times I wouldn’t experience, so many funny memories I wouldn’t have, if this friendship hadn’t happened. Am I sad? Yes. 

But I guess priorities change and people change. I just need to move on. And so I will.